Since living in Italy since 2007 –I have definitely gone through my own personal ups and downs adjusting to life in beautiful Firenze. Because it happens to be a city full of American students , expats, and foreigners, a common misconception is that if you fall under one of those categories, life will flow easily since you are so close to your counterparts. Sometimes I think us english-speakers would have a more meaningful time, and speak more Italian if we were in a smaller town surrounded by only Italian speakers etc. Though, I am addicted to this city of art and can’t imagine life anywhere else.
For me at least, this is sometimes true and but more often not. Life long-term in another country can come with all sorts of unexpected challenges and what matters more is how you deal with it. Which is why instead of titling this blog post ”10 tips” I decided to focus on some common mistakes people make (ie: me ) when they decide to stay to Italy.
1. Being overly defensive. I think it’s quite easy when talking to someone from another culture to become stereotyped/and or stereotype others while being overly sensitive about where you’re from. Perhaps because it can sometimes feel as if you’re being “observed” and you may often find yourself as the “go-to” person anytime an Italian friend/acquaintance has a question about America, Canada, Australia..etc etc. I have seen friends become a little defensive when an Italian challenges any viewpoint they have grown up to believe was 100% true even if the comments have been made in jest or even out of pure curiosity.
I know from personal experience, especially being that I happen to be from a place that everyone has an opinion about, Texas, on how hard it is not to take things to heart when people make strong assumptions about where you’re from without ever having been there. You just have to be able to take what people say with a grain of salt and remember that a successful discourse involves getting your point across without making an enemy. You don’t want to be labeled as over-sensitive and nationalistic when trying to adapt to a new country and make friends.
2. Refusing to properly learn the language. I want to point out that learning Italian is not going to solve all of your problems but it would be nice to understand what your problems actually are — linguistically speaking. In touristy cities like Florence, Rome, Venice, and Amalfi, it is more than possible to “get-by” without actually being fluent in Italian. But my question is, why would you want to? I myself suck at languages and made all sorts of really embarrassing mistakes (and I still do, be careful when you say the word “fig” in Italian) but I learned. Perfectly? Not always but it is a forever process for some.
Yes it changed my life in the sense I was able to crack jokes, be understood, and have real discussions beyond “where are you from” thus feeling much more connected to my local community. If you’re scared to talk to people how can you ever expect to improve your language skills? I also wouldn’t underestimate the power of language while having to deal with telecom’s famous customer service, your cell-phone company or any situation that could essentially be frustrating like a ‘fun’ trip to the questura.
4. Too-dependent on their native-born partner. Another common assumption is that if you have an Italian boyfriend or girlfriend that you’re instantly able to get around easily, find a job, make friends and 100% integrate. If only that was the case, instead you can expect some cultural misunderstandings and can often resent your Italian partner because of an overwhelming feeling of dependence; when most likely you have been a very independent person in your home country.
The answer is to make your own activities like find a yoga class, running errands on your own, get a hobby. Establish a one day a week outing with a friend or two, volunteer ( here is a great article in The Florentine on this in Florence), learn how to drive and trust me, it makes such a huge difference. I recently went on a long weekend with friends to the Island of Elba a few weeks ago and we drove ourselves. Needless to say it felt very liberating. 5 girls, one car, a ferry ride later, and we were on top of the world. No help needed
5. Being scared to open a bank account. This I just don’t really understand since it was a lot easier than I imagined it to be and you can even get special accounts where you don’t pay a lot and can take care of everything online (like paying bills or traffic fines). I can’t imagine just pulling money out of an ATM machine for the rest of my life or even more than a year , or wiring money to pay my student loans if I make money here.
Just open a bank account somewhere you trust and get a bancomat card. It’s easier and when you get a job you want to have your salary direct-deposited. The last thing you should do is keep large sums of money in your house, violent crime is rare in Italy but petty crime is not and its just not worth the risk.
6. Making only expat friends. I believe in life you must have balance, and that pretty much applies to everything and everyone. While it’s super-easy to make friends with others in a similar situation (obviously I have) you have to be careful or else you may find yourself burned in the future. It’s easy to get quickly close with people in a way that you probably wouldn’t back home and it’s worth remembering that just because you share a common language doesn’t mean you were meant to be “besties”. Does that mean don’t have expat friends? Heckno, you need them but just try to mix it up.
Get to know people slowly - ask questions, don’t feel pressured to be friends just because they/or you don’t know anyone else. Don’t get into a co-dependent cycle. Try and make a few local friends even if its seems impossible, attending local language exchanged or volunteering helps! The re-occurring cycle of making close friendships with people who eventually leave can be really heartbreaking after a few times so knowing you can depend on a few core people who are making Italy their permanent home or are from there, will certainly be helpful to your day-to-day sanity. 1,000+ friendships on facebook doesn’t count 
7. Constantly comparing. We all heard that the “grass is always greener on the other side”, but guess what? Yours would be green too if you only watered it enough. Italy has problems no doubt, but don’t be tactless, especially if you’re talking to Italians or people who have chosen to happily live their life here. It’s not going to make you any friends if all you do is complain the second someone asks “How are you?”.The only thing that is going to work is if you yourself commit 100% to adapting to your new home and hold realistic expectations. Venting is fine, we all participate in it but keep it to a minimum and don’t let that be the first impression you give someone.
8. Referring to yourself solely as an expat and not remembering that you are also an immigrant. The word expat actually kind of annoys me because for some reason I have thought it to sound a bit elitist compared to the word “immigrant”. I will admit, It’s easier to write “expat” in blog posts as an identifier and I myself do it, (see title) but the truth is , I always have considered myself an immigrant first because I emigrated to another country. Sometimes when I think of the idea of what is actually an expat I imagine a group of English ladies sipping tea in the shade of their huge Tuscan villa, not exactly the same reality as me in a small apartment working a few jobs. If you have seen the inside of the Questura on an intimate level, than likely you too are also an immigrant.
9. Underestimating the cost of living. This is a big mistake that I think is something I am surprised I don’t read more about. Italy is expensive, and it really isn’t easiest place to make money or build a career. With the economy being what it is, if you really want to make this the country your home, you need to really think realistically about your financial situation and if you can take care of yourself.
Many people move here thinking they will instantly find a job, an apartment, a visa and soon find out how hard that really is. Rent is really expensive in big cities and local salaries range in the average of about 1000 euros per month. Factor in bills, food, transportation and travel and you can see what I mean about having a few jobs as being normal. Most Italians have family help well into their later life and the nonni economy is a prevailing truth that even I have struggled to accept. Some great tips for saving money
- Instead of having dinner out, have lunch instead. Many restaurants have special lunch menu’s for workers that I often take advantage of when people are in town visiting while cooking a yummy dinner at home.
- Utilities are expensive so take your grandmother’s advice and don’t leave a bunch of lights on at your house- also when it’s winter, gas can make your bills sky-high so wear a sweater in the house.
- Be a smart shopper, Italy has big sales twice a year, normally after Christmas and in July. This is a great time to stock up on shoes, things for the house, and anything else that you need.
- Look for transportation deals, Trenitalia, Italy’s national train company, has deals if you book in advance on their website, and the info is in english. Also Trenitalia now has some competition, NTV is a new company and they are offering some great deals on high-speed trains between the larger cities in Italy. Also ATAF bus company in Florence has a nifty “carte agile” a bus pass that comes in 10, 20 or 30 rides that never expires and gets you at least one or two free trips.
Work wise, The ideal scenario is getting hired by a foreign company that has a base in Italy and getting your work details figured out before you come that way you can properly save. Working for yourself from the computer is also a good alternative, taxes are high but health care is free/cheap so there is light at the end of the tunnel.
10. Having overly high-expectations from people back home: This can be especially hard to deal with since it really is a matter of coming in terms with the truth. Everyone wants to believe that people will continue to initiate constant interaction with you and its easy when your feeling homesick to want to feel connected to the people you left behind. The truth is that you left, and they didn’t, and just as you are embarking on your new life and adventures, they have to move on with their day-to-day lives too. Don’t expect them to call you every week or visit you every year, you are the one that left which means you’re going to be the one reaching out more often than not, and that’s ok. I have close family members who have yet to visit me and I have lived in Italy for 6 years – it is what it is.
Finalmente, I would love to hear your thoughts on anything I missed, or your own personal experiences (doesn’t have to be Italy)
Wonderful advise- for anyone moving to any country! Very helpful!
thank you!
Fantastic advice! I fell into number three for the first year here. I soon changed that behaviour and found a great local friend … now we hike, cook and laugh together!
we all do, I made so many of these mistakes as well and hey how else would you learn? Also it helps with cultural misunderstandings
Thank you for that – I can relate to every point. I also feel that it is up to ourselves to adapt ourselves to our adopted country, and not expect them to do this more this way and that way. We have chosen to be here, and I have just decided to freely make a fool of myself with language, ask people to explain to me what something is called, and how to ask for it properly. Folks are really empathetic when they see that you are trying. Another thing that I feel that ‘stranieri’ could at least attempt, is to NOT speak Italian so heavily accented, and at least try and pronounce the words like a native does. We will likely never sound Italian, but an effort will go a long way. No sure if others agree?
I completely agree. I consider myself as fairly fluent (and should be after 5 years ) but people instantly know I’m American, even though I try my hardest to hide my accent. Most Italians are really helpful and like the accent to be honest. I think what happens is after a few traumatizing language snafu’s people work themselves into a real fear of speaking to Italians. I always say “piano piano” , try going to the same places like a market nearby, cell phone store, caffe so you can practice comfortably and maybe even make a few friends.
This is a fantastic post. Well done. You have highlighted so many valid points.
thanks Cathy!
Yep, some sound advice there! I’m guilty of several things on your list – including not speaking the language enough and of being too reliant on both my partner and my expat friends, oh and of not driving either. But we’ve just moved from Milan to Tuscany and suddenly all our friends want to speak in Italian all the time (which makes it a bit boring for me if I can’t contribute) and if I don’t drive I am utterly dependent upon my partner – which is a bit rubbish seeing as though I’m a photographer and want to get up early to take pictures. So, this afternoon I’m having a refresher ‘driving lesson’, having not driven for years, and I’m also going to put a notice up in the local cafe for language exchange sessions so that I don’t become guilty of isolating myself. Thanks for giving me the extra nudge with all those things I really need to start addressing!
Don’t feel bad, ya know most of the items on the list are from me having lived in Italy since 2007 and committing these mistakes. It probably took me a year or two to comfortably drive ( and now I have to take the test ) and several friendships later, I realized I needed to invest more of the “emotional” me in people that were going to actually stick around. Otherwise it can be very lonely. I like the language exchange idea because the people who contact you will already be interested in an international connection, and normally be more patient with your language skills. I also see a lot of “knit-caffe’s” in Italy which I think is a great idea since a lot of Italian women also enjoy knitting and a cup of tea! good luck with everything
Ah, knitting is one thing I can do! I will have to dig out my needles and set up a knitting group in the village! Thanks very much for the encouragement and advice
keep me posted on how it goes! you can even have people participating each knit a square and make it a community project ( thats the DIY Texan girl in me speaking )
I found #10 to be especially true and difficult to accept! I thought the floodgates would open and all my friends would come visit. A few have, but it’s a costly, time-consuming undertaking from the US. So, I’ve gotten over (mostly) being offended that my friends aren’t available on Skype as often as I am, or that sometimes we only “communicate” via Facebook. You’re absolutely, right; we’re the ones who left, after all.
number 10 was a fairly recent revelation on my part as well. It’s so easy to get really hurt by feeling like people back home don’t take the time to contact you as much as you’d like, including family! But I think the thing is, likely they themselves felt the need to fill the void that your presence left and even if you connect a lot less, what matters more is that when you do speak or see each other, you pick up where you left off. Also it wouldn’t be the end of the world to reevaluate some of the relationships in your life that way you can focus on the ones that will be life-long instead of “I just knew them for a long time so we’re friends”. I find that after moving abroad, I am a lot more able to meet people who I have a lot in common with.
Ciao! This is my first time visiting your blog, and I just wanted to let you know that I thoroughly enjoyed this post! The driving point really hit home, as I spent months in Italy with no way to properly get around. I was used to being so independent back home in Canada, so it took some time adjusting! Excellent points. I’m looking to reading more soon. Complimenti!
Great post – and very useful. Thanks!!
thanks!
Practical and insightful advice!
Great tips! I was living/working in Italy for 2 years up until last December and I was guilty of a few of these. I think it took me about 6 months to get fully comfortable speaking Italian and putting myself out there but after that there was no going back
I was pretty guilty of number 10, from the standpoint that I refused to live in 2 places at once. It was too hard to try and skype regularly and email all the time while trying to live my life in Italy. I accepted this fact pretty quickly but my family didn’t much care for it (yet also failed to come visit at all during the 2 year span…che palle…
Hi just saw you over at Italian Reflections and love your post! I can relate to most of these and am glad I’m not the only one. Having my husband speak Italian was a bonus and a drawback as I just relied on him to do all the talking (almost killed me as I love to talk). Great to meet you, ciao lisa
thanks Lisa for the kind words
. I think people really underestimate how hard moving countries can be. I had some friends who were scared to go to the grocery store because they had to interact in Italian. I definitely sympathize since my first 6 months here were most definitely not easy! I didn’t even have internet :O
Great post! Curious as to the rent cost in Florence……. what type of jobs are available there? More info on living costs would be much appreciated! Thnx.
the rent is pretty expensive, studios can range from around 700 to over a 1,000 euros a month. And that’s for one room. It really depends on location and amenities. Google Firenze kijiji ( italian classifieds) to get an idea. Of course if you live outside the center, it drops.. so it just depends on the person. Job wise, if you don’t speak Italian options are very limited. Think English teacher, nanny. Even if you speak Italian its hard to get a job to be honest, a lot has to do with how long you’ll be here and who you know, though I have been pretty lucky finding consistent work (but that’s in the past year) and I’ve been here since 2007..
I can relate to some and did not experience others. Yes, at first it was very lonely and efforts to make friends with the locals takes a long time. Italians are non-commital on so many levels, including party invites. LOL You cannot force relationships no matter where you are….just think how long it took to develop some relationships in your homeland. Acquaintances happen overnight but friendships take time.
As to being defensive….I never experienced that. Once an Italian learns you are American, they generally just want to hear your view of life. I never heard one person say anything, either way about the US….the only misinfo was that “All Americans are rich” yeah, from their lips to God’s ears.
I certainly agree that you cannot force relationships and I have often felt frustration on feeling like I was the one putting forth most of the effort in my attempts to forge friendships with Italian girls. Florence is a particular city and I think people are a little gun-shy since so many people come and go. For me, if an Italian friend is late or cancels, I don’t get upset, rather just chalk it up to life
. It’s also a lot easier to meet like-minded people at specific group events such as photography clubs, couch-surfing meetup’s and knit-caffe’s. People also tell me when you have kids it gets easier. As for the defensiveness, I have felt defensive myself when people ( not just Italians ) have openly told me what they have thought about Texas, or the USA in way that seemed they were 100% sure. And I have seen others get a little riled up too when at a group dinner or the like, sensitive topics are brought up but nowadays this is a rare occurrence. That being said, many Italians are very open-minded and open to hearing what you have to say, which is really nice. I remember how pissed I would get when my boyfriend’s mom would say things like “ah, your getting a little fat” and then make some comment about how all food in America was horrible. Now it’s all taken with a grain of salt, and I tease just as much 
… BTW I also wish I was one of the “rich” Americans, rich in life I suppose! 
Very good advise. No one can underestimate the frustration of not being able to express yourself in the same way as you do in your own language. However over time it gets easier.
thank you Celia. Some of my most traumatizing memories is when my Italian bf would invite me out to some group event with his friends and I would silently sit there after the initial greetings, not being able to participate because my language skills were just not there yet.. Luckily that was just motivation to learn ( especially the fun “slang” to impress people haha)
Very nice post! I’m not an expat, I’m italian and live in Todi, Umbria. But last I’m reading some fun blogs written by english spoken expats in Italy and I find them very interesting! You expats are so open minded and positive! It’s a pleasure reading about you and about Italy seen by you! Congrats! Brava!
grazie Elisa
. Your English is impeccable! thank you for your kind words, it means a lot to me, and helps me stay positive 
How nice of you to say that. I hope to retire in 2-3 years and spend half the year in Italy and half in the USA, traveling in both. My husband and I have family in the Maremma, Turin, Puglia and Abruzzo. In our several trips to Italy we have found the people to be lovely, and when I speak my halting Italian – mio Dio – how they love it!! Every country has people who are not so wonderful – that is a reflection on humanity, not nationality. These plans actually make me look forward to getting older! Ciao – Roberta
I would add that people really should get a GP here. The medical system is great and it really backs up the system when people go to the ER for things like a cold. Getting a medical card was easy as pie for me and the system has been wonderful. I totally agree with everyting you said. It was difficult at first when I moved here and I would be friends with Americans who just leave. Now it is a balance. Also I like to remind people back home that I am NOT on vacation. Another annoying things some expats do is constantly brag about what they are doing here. I have to work, pay bills, use public transport, etc. Life is life anywhere you go. I am NOT on vacation, I just live in a beautiful place.
I completely agree. I can’t believe I didn’t add health care. Perhaps that’s a blog post deserving of its own dedication. I have been very pleased with the system as well and with my family GP. The “vacation” part is too true! Um nope, I have several jobs, a bike and a bus pass. And I love people visiting but I have to pre-warn them that unlike what you may see in movies, I actually can’t take off at a moments notice.
Also, this is something I see in Rome a lot, esp with American who are here illegally. Don’t complain about how awful the laws are here when you are breaking the law and not paying taxes. They are here illegally and complain.
Spot on Sarah, its such hypocrisy but I have seen the same thing quite often in Florence. These are the same people who wouldn’t dream of doing the same in the states. It took me a long time to get a work permit and it was a fight every step of the way but in the end, especially with the knowledge of my father being an immigration officer, I know that if I was an immigrant there I could expect and equal if not tougher battle.
Thanks for your post! My family and I have an opportunity to go to Italy and although I am excited, I’m also anxious with the language barrier. I also suck at languages, but I know I CAN DO IT
) ..because I have no choice.. Teehee!. so I’ve been scouring blog posts of how expats overcome this problem so I could learn a trick or too. I’m really glad I saw this.
you can do it! just start slow. memorizing some phrases and try and when you arrive in Italy try and pick a local bar for breakfast every morning so that you can chat with the barmen. It will help you gain confidence. BBC has some helpful language programs online as well ( I am currently doing one in french)
Thanks for the tip. I was also thinking of memorizing songs so I’d be familiar.. Any suggested singers/bands/songs?
Great advice and insight! I’m moving to Rome at the beginning of September and I know I’m in for a pretty big adjustment process and a lot of challenges to go along with all the good moments – I’m going to make sure I keep these mistakes in mind so I (hopefully) avoid making them myself!
I’m glad I discovered your blog, and I’m looking forward to reading more!
Thanks for visiting and you have any questions, don’t hesitate to ask! Two of my colleagues at http://www.insidersabroad.con live in Rome so if you have any Rome-related questions you can message on the forums there. And honestly as long as you come with an open mind, you should be fine. It will be a life-changing adventure and start practicing italian now that way you have some basic phrases and grammar down before you arrive. Are you studying? Or come to just live?
Great article! I recently moved here to Sicily from New York, because my family is originally from Italy and they wanted to return. I am finding it difficult to find work here and there aren’t any Italian Classes near me. I am going to try enlisting the the Italian Army because I want to become a Police Officer here. I have an Associates degree in Justice from American but I don’t know what it counts as here. I just got my Italian citizenship after 5 months of an uphill battle at the consulate. It is also a bummer that they wouldn’t let me convert my American Drivers license here. They told me I have to go to school for 6 months and pay 600 euro. All in all I am loving Italy and all the culture. I just need to really learn the language and meet people. So far, I am guilty of number 3 of your post.
Great post, I am a number 4. Learning Italian has been very difficult the grammar is so complicated, and my wife’s English is as good as her Italian..
It isn’t easy, I agree. It took me a really long time to learn. Working with Italians has helped a lot. How long have you been here for? Have you tried language exchanges? I found that I had to be forced to learned..aka be around only Italian speakers
I have lived here 5 years, my wife and I use English when we are at home. She is a school teacher and by the time we have both finished work neither of us have the time or energy for an Italian lesson. Unfortunately I also use English on a day to day basis when I am at work. Lots of excuses
I know. I spent 2 years at the local night school, and it was very useful but (always a but) the teacher explained everything in Italian and at that time my Italian was very very poor so I understood little. I think now is the time to re-enrol. I like the idea of getting a hobby to help improve my italian.
I think that’s a sound plan. What about your mutual friends? Are they more Italian or English speakers. I find that I am so much more motivated to speak in a social situation with a glass of wine in my hand
. good luck!!!
Our mutual friends are Italian. If they are talking slowly and one on one I can normally keep up, but if there are 3 or more I lose the plot. It is also incredibly tiring trying to keep up. I get little hints from my wife such as, we are now talking about her sister or she is talking about the school. boh!
Wine, I love the stuff, we are surrounded by vineyards that produce some of the finest wine in Italy. Defiantly my hobby.
Yeah I used to feel really lost in the beginning. Like when I would understand what they were saying they had long moved on to another topic. Wine is one of the best parts of living in Italy, I am a huge fan of Chianti della Rufina, prosecco, pecorino, even though at the moment we are on a French wine kick after visiting in August.. yum!
Hi GG, I love Pecorino cheese especially if it has pepper corns in it. French wine?? Nooooo Italian every time.
Hey Georgette – awesome tips here….I liked your mention of language exchange groups…had no idea what this was so googled it of course! What a great way to meet others & practice the lingo….been using Rosetta Stone religiously but once thrown in with both feet, I know I’ll need more….thanks for the great read & tips!!!
Cheers!
-Laura
thanks Laura! the alnguage exchanges are pretty helpful, I used to do them my first year here and would meet locals for coffee or tea and we would stumble over each other’s respective languages.
. Then once you become sorta friends you can do aperitivos!
Laura you are spot on with your analysis! I am also from Texas and just finishing up my first year in Italy. I can definitely confirm that mistake #2 will only increase the probability of worsening mistakes #3 and #6. Excellent advice!
Hi great tips and advices, im planing on study Italien in florence and found your post very intresting.
Cheers from Jonas Sweden
Thanks Jonas! When are you coming? I hope you will enjoy Florence as much as I do
I have spent more than a year in Rome, like Florence a tourist hotspot and only 300 km south. In Rome, I was doing research in a lab and studying at university (in 2 courses I was the only foreign student). I have not met a single Italian.
Observing the friends I had made I noticed that, in Italy, the only foreigners that meet natives are female. Any foreign male who has been in Italy will agree: Italian males lock out foreign males and Italian females ignore us.
Again, I am only familiar with Rome and the South of Italy. I am not sure about the North.
Hi,
Good advice. I have just moved to Mauritius and have noticed myself fall into a few traps. Need to make more of an effort. However, I have been thinking of going to Florence next year and that will be more of a challenge. Any good long term rental websites? or where is a good place to be based in Florence? Thanks, and good website.
ed
You can try looking at the classifieds of Insiders Abroad http://insidersabroad.com/italy/classifieds for rental apartments or The Florentine (local english newspaper). As for location, personally I like the areas of san frediano/santo spirito – sant’ambrogio or piazza beccaria. Good luck!
Grazie mille, girl in Florence, or as we would say back home “go raibh mile maith agat.”