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When Your Love Story is Best Answered ‘It’s Complicated’

Sometimes when people ask me about my love story, I’m tempted to lie. To say yes, I came here and fell in love and that’s it. The fairy-tale everyone wants to hear.

You know what I’m talking about. Girl visits Italy, is enamored by the history/beauty meets local boy, falls in love over gelato outings and shy kisses on Piazzale Michelangelo before starting on a new life together in the country of amore. Sunday dinners with the family, bonding over bruschetta and freshly made pasta as the in-laws poke for the seventh time when you might be thinking to make it ‘official’ since they are dying for a bambino.

Well the truth is, sometimes it’s much more complicated than that.

Heartbreak has no borders, and just because it may move at a slower pace in Italy, sometimes so excruciating slow you don’t even know it’s happening – it doesn’t mean it hurts any less.

I actually didn’t plan on writing this post. Our #COSItaly blogger round-table subject for this week is quite naturally all about ‘love, sex, marriage – whatever you want’ in honor of Valentine’s Day. I decided that I wanted to write about my brief experiencing dating in Italy. Humorous stories about guys who gave me gently-used teddy bears and drank tea instead of coffee. Sent texts at inappropriate hours of the night in broken English about what they might want to do with me, I always wanted to reply ‘where, in your single bed?’

Or the time a guy thought it would be fun to take me to the serial killer museum on via cavour on a first date, I learned about the most horrible of human acts while he smiled and asked me to pose for pictures. He later sealed his fate when he sent me a text message using every symbol in his phone (I kid you not) to create a digital ‘Titanic’ ship with the phrase ‘They say the greatest love was on the titanic, but I think it is between you and I’. Charming.

Or the time my best friend and I escaped a double dinner date in the middle of our second course when it was clear the mood was changing in a slightly scary way. That happened too.

I probably don’t need to tell you this but dating is awkward in any country. The misery of not knowing what that other person is thinking, analyzing every text message and ’emotican’ is universal.

It can be even more so when you have a language and culture barrier, and thus really cannot gage what is ‘normal’, decisions mainly are made based on your gut. Also dating I have found is very ‘American’, the act of going out on a series of dates, and if you are from a big city, this usually means with multiple people until you decide which person works best for you, and vice versa sometimes they decide and you don’t always like the answer. It’s all about experience, and not settling down so quickly, just being young.

When I first mentioned this to Italian friends here, I wasn’t surprised that I was met with ‘but, you kiss more than one person at a time?’. Well I wouldn’t go that far, but I suppose it is a little different from just hooking up with someone in your friend group for 10+ years from the age of 18. By 30 you start to see these relationships crack, breakups usually happen together so I’ve noticed lately. This isn’t everyone, I know that people start ‘younger’ now but this is just my personal experience.

Valentine’s day has always been a complicated day for me, just a few year’s ago I spent this synthetically grown holiday a hot mess. You know the ‘ugly crying’ you wish you never have to go through again and hope to god that no-one ever sees. The feeling that person that you loved the most isn’t the one for you, and that it has to be you to change things. You tried to make it work, put your heart and soul in it and you know you probably did it for a little too long.

The fact that you realize this on a day that is supposed to be about love, is a sad, sick irony that almost feels right, like it was supposed to happen like this. It took me until my late twenties to realize that you can’t make someone love you the way you need to be loved. Maybe they need to love themselves first. It seems straightforward, as obvious as a simple pasta con pomodoro, but it really isn’t, at least it wasn’t for me.

Maybe its human nature to keep trying, to make it work, especially when so much of your life is intertwined. Your first thoughts about what could happen if things don’t work out are so superficial, the fear of finding a new place to live, dealing with friends you have in common, going to the questura di firenze for your permesso renewal by yourself. Losing a sense of comfortable safety that you’ve had for so long. Can you make it on your own?

To be fair to the other person, it isn’t solely one person’s fault. You had great times, memorable times, and there was an integral reason that they even fluttered into your life in the first place. Instead it is more about the fundamental makeup of a happy relationship that just isn’t there anymore. A consist and necessary level of compassion, respect and more importantly, a common way of viewing the world. There is only so much you can excuse because you don’t come from the same country.

Sometimes you just have to say, basta.

As hard as it is to write about these things, so personal and extremely real. It’s a little easier from the safe distance of being in love. While my love story isn’t as simple as ‘boy meets girl’ and happily ever after, instead it’s a bit more like ‘girl finally wakes the f*** up and realizes the greatest thing has been there all along.’ In my case he came in the form of a best friend, the person you go to for advice, the one who is actually fun to go out with, his absence from any event always met with a sigh of disappointment.

The guy so humble that you never knew even after years of friendship that he played the piano like a baby genius and studied all over the world before coming to Italy. I would have told everyone that, (kidding). Every factoid over the six years was slow in the coming, probably because you spent most of the time talking about your problems. He’s the person who embraces your quirky, probably pretty annoying habits, like taking 10,000 photos of a cappuccino and leaving your closet a mess.

The person that makes you want to be a better person in life. Who knew it could ever feel this easy? I used to really believe that relationships are supposed to be complicated. That was just part of life, right? That we humans must bond over yeah ‘my boyfriend does that too’ and that fighting over silly issues over and over again was the norm.

Don’t get me wrong, no one’s perfect, but so much stress over stupid things is gone — and what is left is a feeling that is nothing short of being free. He taught me what a ‘real man’ actually is, not the guy screaming the most at football matches and quick to criticize anything or anyone he doesn’t understand, but instead coming through when it matters. That’s what actually makes a man.

So when I struggle to answer the question ‘So how did you come to Italy and meet your boyfriend’, I just smile and say we both fell in love with Italy first… and then.. well you know the rest.


This post was part of our Italy Blogger Roundtable, COSI  (Crazy Observations by Stranieri in Italy), this month’s subject LOVE, or something like it.

Look for our hashtag #COSItaly and feel free to write a blog post and share with us by using this hashtag. We would love to see your take on this popular topic.

Misty of Surviving in Italy

Rick Zullo of Rick’s Rome – Gods, Saints, and Other Valentines Myths

Maria of Married To Italy – The search for sex in Italy: 6 Italian slang sayings

Gina of The Florence Diaries – What It’s Like to Fall in Love With Italy

Rochelle of The Unwilling Expat – Searching For San Valentino

Pete of Englishman in Italy

Andrea of Sex, Lies and Nutella – Be My Italian Valentine: “Viva l’amore – abbasso i sedili

 

 

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25 Comment

  1. Reply
    Sara White
    13.02.2015 at 11:32

    Georgette, I love this post! Thank you for sharing this, it’s always nice to read something so real and open. I can definitely relate to those complicated Valentine’s days, to realizing that a relationship isn’t right and then to finding something that just “works” (I can unfortunately also relate to the dating horror stories).

    1. mm
      Reply
      GirlInFlorence
      13.02.2015 at 11:40

      Thank you so much Sara, I really hesitated writing this post if I’m a 100% honest. I definitely don’t like airing my dirty laundry on the internet but I also felt like now that so much time has passed, it was the right moment to talk about a not-always-straightforward love story. I could dedicate a whole post to horror stories, can you imagine if we had used tinder???

  2. […] Georgette of Girl in Florence – “When your Love Story is best answered: ‘It’s Complicated‘” […]

  3. Reply
    Cath
    13.02.2015 at 12:21

    What a lovely post! That sounds truly romantic – and much better than “complicated” can ever be.

    1. mm
      Reply
      GirlInFlorence
      13.02.2015 at 12:26

      Hello Cath, thank you so much, that means a lot!

  4. Reply
    Diana
    13.02.2015 at 13:43

    Georgette,

    What a wonderful post. My favorite line: “He taught me what a ‘real man’ actually is” It is difficult to find “real men” these days. Anyway….I enjoyed your dating stories and laughed a little thinking about how different things are now than when I was dating (the days before text, FB and even email) – – – ha, ha, ha I feel so old now. I think things were maybe a little easier to be honest. You know? When it was over, it was over….no way to see an ex’s life continue on FB or instagram, etc. EVEN if you were the one to leave them! Well…thanks again for your story and enjoy the day of love!

    1. mm
      Reply
      GirlInFlorence
      13.02.2015 at 14:47

      Thank you Diana! I’m really happy you enjoyed it and that you took the time to comment, it is much appreciated. I think we all have had our share of dating disasters, I’m actually fascinated by how it is today. Friends of mine on dating sites, or meeting on instagram. I definitely think there is so much more exposure now because everything is so accessible online, you cant hide much anymore ;-).

  5. Reply
    Rick Zullo
    13.02.2015 at 13:58

    I’m glad you went this direction with your post, Georgette. Very honest and personal, and I think a lot of people have the wrong idea about dating/romance/love in Italy. Much of the cultural differences which seem “charming” at first become impossible to tolerate sooner or later. As you say, yes, “it’s complicated.” Very well done.

    1. mm
      Reply
      GirlInFlorence
      13.02.2015 at 14:43

      Thanks Rick! I really changed directions with it this morning. A very last-minute decision but I’m happy that I did. As much as I wish I could have a cleaner ‘si love at first gelato’ moment, it rarely is like that, is it? Thank you so much for your comment, can’t wait to read your #COSItaly submission!

  6. Reply
    Coral
    13.02.2015 at 14:04

    Loved this! It is so so true. And Nico is a fine fella! Glad you two found each other.

    1. mm
      Reply
      GirlInFlorence
      13.02.2015 at 14:40

      Thank you so much Coral, I agree he is a fine fellow, he won’t be able to get rid of me!

  7. Reply
    Wynne
    13.02.2015 at 16:39

    Great post, Georgette – Just goes to show that love is complicated in ANY culture, and no one is immune from heartbreak.

    I don’t think I’d even know HOW to date within today’s social media! One thing’s for sure, I wouldn’t add him to my FB. I don’t need the agida. Keep it old-school!

    I’m glad you found your Nico – enjoy a lovely Valentine’s Day!

  8. Reply
    Alexandra Lawrence
    13.02.2015 at 17:29

    Oh, Georgy, what a post! I always describe my story–how I came to be where I am in my life–as “circuitous”. There was no direct route, no easy street, and there was plenty of heartbreak. And in hindsight it was all worth it–every bit of the ugly crying, even!–because I never would have met Francesco otherwise. Life is complicated and messy, and thank goodness it is or else we wouldn’t appreciate the easy moments nearly as much.
    I remember a girlfriend telling me something with regard to true love during a moment I was down about it…she told me to hold on tight and wait for the light at the end of the tunnel because when I finally saw it it would be so bright it would knock me over. She was right, of course.
    Thanks for being brave and sharing your story. Love to you, and to Nico, and here’s to holding on tight. ❤️

  9. Reply
    Natalie
    13.02.2015 at 18:28

    Georgette….I loved this post too!!! Made me tear up, laugh out loud, smile knowingly…..beautiful. A Valentine’s Day gift for me. Thank uou!!

  10. Reply
    Susan Roberts
    13.02.2015 at 19:23

    You deserve all the happiness and love in your life! I loved this post! So much I can relate to! “It’s complicated” has so many meanings. Thank you for bearing your soul and shining your light!

  11. Reply
    Elise
    13.02.2015 at 22:02

    Such a beautiful and honest post! Thank you for sharing your story, I loved reading it!

  12. […] Georgette of Girl in Florence – “When your Love Story is best answered: ‘It’s Complicated‘” […]

  13. […] Girl in Florence: When your love story is best answered, “It’s complicated.” […]

  14. […] If you feel like reading more love inspired blog posts, you will find more here. […]

  15. Reply
    Orna O'Reilly
    15.02.2015 at 10:24

    Loved this post. It rang many bells for me and I appreciated the fact that it must have been difficult to write on such a personal topic.

  16. Reply
    Ferd Berfel
    16.02.2015 at 0:59

    I’m SO impressed that you wrote about this subject so personally and I thank you for sharing your experience. Even though you didn’t solicit your readers’ experiences, I’ll share that I met the Italian love of my life online, invited this person to their first trip of three to the States with me, then went to Tuscany (San Gimignano, Siena, Pisa, Volterra, San Galgano) and later to Paris together. So I’m lovesick in the States with my Italian love unavailable to me (it’s complicated!). I cried in the grocery store the other day while checking that the olive oil I was buying was actually from Italy because I miss MY Italian! I’m so happy for you that you found a compatible companion! It’s a very big deal, and also very rare! Thanks again for sharing!

  17. […] When Your Love Story is Best Answered ‘It’s Complicated’ by Georgette. […]

  18. Reply
    Heather
    16.02.2015 at 13:33

    Georgette- I loved this so much! Thank you for sharing. XO

  19. Reply
    Cindy
    21.02.2015 at 3:22

    Lovely post. I fell in love in florence many years ago too. While it didn’t work out-that relationship showed me the capacity in which I can love and so I settled for nothing less. It’s daunting to realize that what broke my heart actually led me to a very happy life and marriage. I still have everything I ever wanted in life, and more because of my italian ‘story’.

  20. Reply
    Gil
    06.05.2015 at 1:58

    Wonder how I missed this fabulous post? It sounds like you were writing directly from your heart. I give you a lot of credit for the work that you put into your writing. You didn’t even need any of your normally beautiful pictures to keep me interested. You and ‘Frenchie’ will make a great couple.

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